July 17, 2009

Love at One-Millionth Sight

Something funny is going on. My celebrity attraction meter must have entered some undocumented vortex of weirdness because the gauge isn't reading like it used to. I was first alerted to the situation when trailers for The Hangover started hitting the Interweb and visual images of Bradley Cooper were thrust into my life once again. I say "again" because I had a rather unhealthy crush on the man back when he was a fairly unknown actor cast in a supporting role on the television show "Alias", starring Jennifer Garner at her most badassiness. Exhibit A:

Typically, as a celebrity's popularity grows and they are featured, minimally clothed and maximally airbrushed, on the covers of magazines, they only grow more attractive. Not the case with Mr. Cooper. Don't get me wrong, the man is handsome as all get out. But I'm just no longer attracted to him. It's tough to isolate a reason for this shift, but after much deliberation, I think I've figured it out. He seems to have developed D.O.M. Syndrome. (That's "dirty old man" to you.) Exhibit B:

Like I said, THAT was when I first realized that my celebrity attraction meter was on the fritz.

Just the other day, I received proof-positive confirmation that I can not be trusted with my own feelings. A little background: I realize that the world has swooned over Johnny Depp since he first made his small screen debut on 21 Jump Street, but I have never understood the attraction. Granted, the man makes Edward Norton and Meryl Streep look like teenagers acting in their first high school drama department production and, well, you all know my love for grown men with names that end in "y". But, again, for reasons that escape even myself, I've never felt an attraction towards the man.

Well stop the presses, people! Because Johnny Depp? He. Is. Smoking! I caught a whiff of these photos featured in Vanity Fair and the man went from "not attractive" to a possible contender for inclusion in my Free Pass Five within a matter of seconds. HE IS THAT GOOD. Plus, Depp employs a body guard who regularly tells him to "toughen up, princess" and he (Johnny, not the bodyguard) refers to Vanessa Paradis, his longtime love and mother of his children, as "my girl". Both of these details only serve to make the guy that much more desirable.

Behold, the photos that bested my ironclad - or so I previously thought - celebrity attraction meter:

Now, please excuse me while I clean up the lake of drool that has somehow found its way to my keyboard...

[Bradley Cooper photos #1 and #2]
[Johnny Depp photos from Vanity Fair]

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