June 05, 2009

An Open Letter To Holly Montag

"Anybody who owns a $10,000 purse deserves to have a potato thrown at it."

Oh Holly. My inarticulate, open-mouth-breathing Holly. I've never been particularly fond of you - you are Heidi Montag's blood relative, after all. And, let's be honest, when you over-imbibed at your sister and her flesh-tone bearded fiance's rehearsal dinner and proceeded to deliver one of the most incoherent maid-of-honor speeches since, well, ever, it was the first time in the history of The Hills that I wished the camera crew would refocus their attention on Spencer and Heidi. So you can imagine my surprise when, after accidentally staining Heidi's new purse with a greasy potato-bit that you drunkenly threw at your brother from across the table during the aforementioned rehearsal dinner, you later successfully defended your actions in a logical and coherent manner. This victory, combined with the fact that you have yet to willingly commit your heart and soul for all eternity to Spencer Pratt, officially makes you the smarter of the two Montag girls.

Mad props, Holly.

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